This night - or should I rather say day - I dreamt I've been on holiday with my parents and my grandma.
The country could have been something like Mexico or Spain. Something sunny, tanned people everywhere with dark hair.
People like everywhere else on earth, ignorant and without a heart.
They tortured animals in ways I don't want to describe here.
It seemed like animals were tortured everywhere I looked.
I tried to tell my Mum, but she reacted like people always do: "What can we do about it? Nothing will happen. We can't save them."
The feeling ... I felt helpless. Helpless.

The more I think about it, the more I assume I become paranoid.
Lots of times I see only evil in people's so-called hearts and thoughts.
No one is perfect, true. But can't we just try to be a little bit better? At heart, at soul, at emotion.

I'm FREAKIN fed up with people telling that it has no use to even just try something, because chances are low that something will change.
"We have no chance, we are too small to make the world go the other way round."
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!
Of course we can't do anything, because everybody thinks like that and has no fucking guts to stand up!
Everyone is always complaining, complaining. Shut the hell up and move your fucking ass! Sucker.

There's so much hate inside of me, so freakin' much nobody would believe it.
Maybe that doesn't give me the right to complain about people myself.
But HELL YEAH, I just fucking GRANT me this fucking right!

If people want to beat me up mentally, do it!
The other me waits for that moment to crush you, oh yeah.
I'm not Gemini for nothing.

Wie kann es sein, dass in einem Staat, in dem Meinungsfreiheit herrscht, die wohl argumentierte Äußerung dieser Meinung den Menschen zu Fall bringt?

Wie kann es sein, dass Menschen dafür bluten müssen, gearbeitet, sich ohne Entlohnung engagiert zu haben?

Wie kann es sein, dass Menschen mit krimineller Laufbahn Gelder verschwinden lassen und Existenzen zerstören ohne dafür zur Rechenschaft gezogen zu werden?

Wie kann es sein, dass krimineller Prominenz mehr Aufmerksamkeit (Presse sowie Bearbeitung des Falls) geschenkt wird, als jedem anderen Verbrecher?
Wie kann es sein, dass Medien für die Berichterstattung eines Vorfalls in jenem Milieu so viel Geld einsetzen, das für bessere Zwecke genutzt werden kann?
Wie kann es sein, dass das Volk diese Abläufe auch noch durch Mediengeilheit unterstützt, wodurch von den eigentlichen Problemen abgelenkt und genau dieser Plan des Staates auch noch unterstützt wird?

Wie kann es sein, dass Menschen immer weiter dem menschlichen Abgrund entgegensteuern, ohne Verständnis der Machthaber und Abgabe der Verantwortung durch die Verantwortlichen?

Wie kann es sein, dass Menschen so sind?

Wie kann es sein, dass sich nichts ändert?

Wie kann es sein, dass alte Wunden immer wieder blutig geleckt werden, anstatt sich der Zukunft auf neuem, innovativerem und vor allem menschlicheren Wege zu stellen?

Ich bin sauer.

Finally my last positiveness about the job center is gone.
Hell, crazy stuff. "For the people", sure. If ONE politician tells people about "we act for our folks, we want to help everybody" ever again - something alike - I'll personally drive to Berlin and make a run on their building.
You're all invited to make photos and videos. Put them on youtube for the number of our followers to grow.

Oh well, what did my uncle say: "We complain on a really high level", like that. I think he's right.

Besides, I'm in a really good mood.
Have been to Bremen, visited a wonderful friend of mine whom I haven't seen for three years.

Got new games for less money, heh heh.

( games )

I'm so much looking forward to my new PC, which is supposed to arrive today. On weekend, crony and I will put the thing together *dance* Hopefully ....
But first, there have some things to be done:

♠ buy desk

♠ rearrange furniture in living room and corridor

♠ buy extra-cable for PC & TV

yeah well, and the other stuff which has to be done all weeks ...

So, a wonderful day to everybody out there! Take care of your lives!
:D

just ignore the female speaker at the beginning



German HP: http://www.orphan.kinowelt.de/





Didn't know there was an original movie to the remake "Quarantine". Have to watch it. Looks somehow more deep.

Official HP: http://movies.filmax.com/rec/

Okay, Lost gets more weird and confusing with every episode. It's an awesome series!
I love the character John Locke.
He literally is lost in his own thoughts and his way of looking at things. Guess that's what his "companions" would say.
In my opinion, he tries to take everything life gives - every situation, good or bad, is something you can learn of and grow with it. Even if you need to sacrifice something out of your own self.



(slightly out of character here :) )

Recommendation since the beginning: LOST ! You won't regret it.

And thanx again Jul, for helping me out!

*lol*
I tried to do some photo-manipulation with one of my absolutely favorite characters ever, whose creator is jul_steele .
Well, guess it came out quite well for the first try.

( creations )

Trying to avoid things sucks so bad.
People who use this tactic and improve just have no guts and are just ignorant.
It makes me wanna puke all over.

Interesting that I need to listen to calmer music now.

- Bruno Würtenberger, 1996 -

Tja, manchmal weiß ich selber nicht, was ich denken oder woran ich glauben soll.


Yesterday, I started to digitalize some art I drew in Hungary last week.
Program: Photoshop
Tool: Pen/Path.
Yessss, I watched a tutorial, tried it out and was really surprised. It's much more easy than I thought! Sure, I'm just a beginner, but it's a great lift.

And during this Hungary-relax-creative-holiday, one of my beloved rabbits became .... fat. I don't like this word, doesn't matter if in English or German, but it's fact. There's no other way to describe it. The other ones are also a bit more than before, but ... well, poor Pippin. I tried to make pictures, but because of all the fluff, you cannot really tell. So, there will be a bunny-diet comprising much green food plus carrots, maybe some camomile-tea, stomach-massages and training.

Oh yeah, Nestlé, best example for nice speeches. And speeches those are, nothing more.
I’d feel very proud while telling the audience this major corporation created 4 billion jobs – which is so good for the unemployed-rate of course – just to present a video with insight of a Japanese Nestlé-production in the next scene, with the oh so happy comment “ah, the Japanese – see, most work is done by machines, almost no people”.

MOVIE RECOMMENDATION:

Thinking too much.
Starting to lock myself up again.
Drinking alcohol.
Longing for the capability to cry.
No fucking sense.

I don't want to shed tears over people.
No one does it for me, either.

I rejected someone in bad manners.
And maybe this is why I am rejected now. A lesson.
Hm.
That's the total opposite of Albert Ellis' teachings *smirk*
Doesn't matter, hopefully it's gone tomorrow.

Well, too much thinking.
Though he didn't get back to me the last two days and has another excuse (just a suggestion) for not meeting ............... I don't know how to end this sentence.
"Maybe another day"
Yes, maybe.

I tried to fit this layout here to 1920 x 1080 pixel. Disadvantage for myself is: my computer only has 1360 x 768 as highest resolution. Pity.
Need another machine.

Not many news except I'm more and more in love .... I guess.
Looks a bit like the counterpart feels likewise. *hopehopehopehopehope* (-.-)

( in progress )

I feel like working on my homepage now - if I knew what should be shown there.

My summary dismissal is written, tomorrow I get the signature.
Free as a bird, ready to do the next step.
I did so many steps the last months, but this is the final one in this period of my life. It's thrilling to think about what lies ahead.

Did you ever have the experience of going to bed with the birds' songs as the last thing you hear? The wonderful moments when the sky lights up, the animals awake but the people do not?
Try it. And enjoy.

Yes, a recommendation. Because this movie fascinates and inspires me more than anything else right now. And that's what I need.
The last weeks were more worse than I expected. A lot of severe blows, disappointments and just so much of anger and sadness. Now I'm back to "Hey Life, you want to tease me? You try to prove me? Then stand RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT!".
And it feels damn good.


Anyway, let's get this started.

( TMNT )




( SPOILER )

I woke shortly before dawn.
My shirt was soaking wet.
I just noticed when natural urge forced me to the toilet.
Even the smallest movement causing the slightest feeling of wind was unpleasant.
The cause: a dream. Again.

For people who love gaming and don’t know him : the AVGN.
http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?page_id=18
Just watch and enjoy.

( actions of the last days )

♠ new obsession (though didn't start playing intensively yet)





♠ personal reunion with my former ... hm, no word for that ...





apart from that I had different experiences which spoke on my intelligence. Let me explain in some short words: people much older than me, mature people, shaking their ass, putting out rumours which you can only laugh about, hoping to become the chief's darling and favorite. How things can chance within some months...
Have you ever experienced pounding someone's head against a wall? If that is so, please feel free to contact me.

( click to see )

♠

Got a cold again, since four days. But now, luckily, it starts to fade.

♥
Mighty Ducks
Thundercats
Schattenjagd by Wolfgang & Heike Hohlbein
I, Robot
Tweeny Witches
to sleep long
Videogames
beloved music

♥♥♥
my babies, my little big babies

Shit happens at work, it's oh so fucked up and I have enough of it. Hope it will be over soon. SOON. Nothing will be like before. Is this more worse or can it become better after some time?

♠

I drink way too much alcohol
I hate the situation ... and I do not
I smoke a lot
I love my rabbits, my beautiful babies
I hate to go to work under the conditions out there
I care a fuck about what happens, what maybe will happen
It's me
What is this all about?
I'm drunk again
And it doesn't stop
Situation gets worse
But it's okay
It will bring something better
Because I believe in it

I hate some people's humanity
And I love my friends, my dear friends, who are with me whatever I do, whatever I do not ... I love you!

♠

I just watched I Am Legend and I'm really touched by this movie. It's a lot more sad than I thought. During one scene, I was actually about to start crying.
This Soundtrack is also wonderful!

Another something which really satisfies me, though this reason is absolutely ridiculous: I bought and am going to buy loads of stuff again: Clothes I'm really looking forward to (and that's WAY far from normal in my case), CDs, yesterday I finally bought "Dawn Of The Dead" and surprisingly found "Silent Hill Origins" for PS2, cheap! YES! Then, I'm sure going to buy a PSP this or at the beginning of the next month, PLUS Death Jr. This just has to be.
Well, Amazon will have fun with me, too: external hard disk and the 3-DVD Version of "Night Of The Living Dead".

Also, I started writing a Zombie-Story yesterday, everything just feels really inspiring again. It was such a loss the last weeks.
AND I had a freaky but very nice dream this night, which also inspired me and not only, because I did quite good drawings in this dream.

It feels ridiculous and great at the same time. What a world.
But hey, fuck it.

There's a lot to do, I've got barely time for something else from Monday to Friday, but it doesn't matter. It's much fun! My colleague makes me laugh my ass off at least one time a day. And the other people around are awesome, too. The only problem is: I can't care enough for my babies. My beloved killerbunnies.
The other difficulty is meeting friends.
So, if you read this and are involved/feel spoken to/whatever, you know what's up.

Though I worked until 11:30 p.m. yesterday, my energy doesn't seem to be completely lost.
I'm even kind of bouncy.
Maybe it's because I go shopping in some minutes. No more tap water, woohoo! And pizza again, chocolate, ice-tea, milk .... a variety of things to eat!
Yum.